Grace

Some time around 2000, I was, as I am still now, but as a much younger self, trying to find my way in Bangalore. Amma was assigned a training program in her office to Bangalore. She was glad for the first time to attend training as she could come and visit me. It was a wonderful week, when she came to my room in Malleswaram where I spent 6 lonely months with little comfort and lot of dreams. Suddenly we planned to arrange a trip to Sringeri and we got train tickets for people at home to Bangalore and our plan was to take a van from Bangalore. Everybody got excited and was very much looking forward for the day when we as a family would travel. It was a luxury then, because of the money involved and is still a luxury because of the time involved. Just the day when they were to start their journey to Bangalore, the day broke with the news that Rajkumar was abducted by Veerappan. I had no idea about who Rajkumar was and it became quite apparent that he was a somebody. The plan quickly unravelled as I developed cold feet and decided to call off the plan much to the bitter disappointment of everybody back home. I said to myself that it was for their safety that I had to do this. Looking back it is clear to me that I did not have the calling or the grace of the guru at that moment and it was not to be that day. I am still waiting for that day!

Back in 1988, when I was much much much younger, had clarity of thought and knew my way, I rather vividly remember playing one lazy saturday afternoon wearing a shorts and a near brownish cut baniyan which was originally white. Somehow I noticed that Appa who was talking with periappa minutes back, sneaked out with a rather neat veshti, shirt and jolna bag. I went out looking for him but could not find him. As I went to the end of the street I could notice that I saw someone looking like appa. I took off wearing the same dress to the bus stand to learn that appa was about to catch a bus to Kanchipuram to seek blessings of Periyava. I remember pestering him to take me and he threw me a gauntlet. If I could get back to the bus stand properly dressed and if he was still there, he would take me. There was no thinking on what to do, I zippped and zapped to be back in a moment. We went to Kanchi and had periyava dharisanam and visited Kamakshi amman temple in the dark. In the morning we had the blessing to have all 3 periava's dharisanam. I wanted to be in Kanchi to go to Ekambareshwarar and Varadarajar kovil, but Ramanand sagar's Ramayan beckoned for Appa and I was dragged back to Chennai to see the start of war with Ravana which sadly never materialized on that episode. Looking back it is clear to me that I had the calling or grace of guru that day. In my heart I feel I have been blessed to have seen Mahaperiyavaa at least once with my eyes.

While as much I savor the latter incident, I am still yearning for the day to visit Sringeri.